Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
