i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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