I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
How external is "for external use only"?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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