4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
