i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
