Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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