You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
