he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
