dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
