Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
