What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i barfeds in our rink
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
