New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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