We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
