Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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