im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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