and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
