What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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