Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
