if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
