just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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