I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
