The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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