You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
