It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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