i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
