My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
