I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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