we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
