Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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