what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
