does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
