Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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