I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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