absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
