@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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