Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
