If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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