And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
