And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
