If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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