I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
love makes seman taste better
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
