Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
