he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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