How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
