I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
