apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
