Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
