I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
