The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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