mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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