yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
