I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
